OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
