also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
