I accidentally burped into my bong.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My vagina is officially offended.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
