i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
