She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
