Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
