WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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