Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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