Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
