Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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