I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
