she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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