I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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