What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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