her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
