that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
