I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
two words: eviction party
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
