I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
