he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
