Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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