we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
