My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
