Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
