He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
