mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
