I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
