guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
