I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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