dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
