it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
