i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
