At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we're so committed to being not committed
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
