Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
