you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
