Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
