I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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