i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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