Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
