but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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