I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
