You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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