guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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