I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
