I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
