we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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