I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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