You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
