If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
