It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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