This girl is more easily done than said...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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