Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
