The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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