Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
