i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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