she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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