What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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