All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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