everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
